confession time

Ok so yesterday was day 2 of my 30 day challenge and already I have failed.  I had to take Riley to Temple for a doc. appointment and even though I took my journal and bible study items along, I couldn't get them read or written.

It just seems that if I don't get started first thing in the morning, I can't ever find time to fit it in later on.  I thought I would be able to get it done after lunch, but after pausing to do a few household chores, I looked up and it was time to go get Jaley. 

After I picked Jaley up I had to go by the store and get snacks for the confirmation class at church.  I then went and prepared the snacks and helped clean the vans as a service project before confirmation and mid-week choir begin. 

At 5:30 was the preschool open house of which I popped in for a minutes  and then made it home about 7'ish. It was then time to fix the older guys some food for dinner and get Jaley ready for bed.  I also had to sign a few more papers for school. 

I know it looks as if I am making excuses because of time restraints.  The honest truth is I could have gotten up earlier while the house was quiet and would have started the day off right and not been playing catch up all day. 

The only redeeming thing I did do yesterday as far as a "fireside time", was to spend some time on my keyboard praising the Lord through song.  I have to say time can get away from me when I get started playing and singing. 

I even thought today maybe this isn't such a good idea to post all of this on here for whoever to read, but since I feel as if I don't have a physical person right now to hold me accountable, just the thought of my pledge here will hold me accountable. 

It also reminds me that no one is perfect and spiritual growth is a process.  Recreating good habits takes time and taking time for a season of healing isn't the most fun work I have ever done.  In fact it's downright hard and painful at times, well most of the time to be exact.  But it is necessary to get to the root and pull it out for the Great Physician to soothe with His healing balm. 

May it be done Lord!  Expose every part to very core of my being to the light of your truth and the healing waters only You can wash over me. 

Praise, Honor, and Glory be to Your name. Amen!

30 day challenge

I am committing to a 30 day challenge that I will be accountable to by my blog.  Yesterday while watching this weeks' "Wednesdays with Beth" via the internet, I was challenged by Beth to enter into a season of healing.   
In order to accomplish this task I am to bring an area of my broken heart that needs deep healing to my Lord and Savior each and every morning during my "Fire-side" time.  It is a season where I will devote my reading, studying and prayer time so that I am still before the Lord in this one particular area.  
As I have been in recovery from childhood abuse, I have learned that old wounds need healing and sometimes that healing, if it was a deep wounding can take intense time for healing.  This healing process is also somewhat like peeling back the layers of an onion.  At times we get down to a certain layer and we feel better so we think we are better and the healing process is shelved. We soon find that the tender area resurfaces in the not to distant future over some of the most random of circumstances.
It was brought to my attention that scars don't hurt.  If we have been wounded and the pain is still there, the wound is not yet healed.  We can strive for other people to help us heal the wound, but eventually we will have to enter into a season where we allow the ultimate "Counselor" to cleanse the wound and "bind it up".  He was sent to "bind up the broken heart-ed and proclaim freedom for the captives". 
My earnest prayer is to have my followers be my prayer warriors during this time.  During Beth's lesson she challenged us to be held accountable by a close friend or a small group.  I felt that the people following this blog were some of my dearest friends, so I felt lead to ask here for that prayer support.  
I also would invite others to join me and if you have any requests you would like me to pray about, they can be added on the blog too.  
May this season have the blessings of the Almighty and may He truly do the work!
 

Good Samaritan

I decided not to number this one since I can already tell that putting Day 1 etc.  is not going to work.  It is going to be nearly impossible to post every single day.  I have failed at that attempt already and don't feel it would be helpful to beat myself up about my lack of perfection.  I will say that there will be at least one post a week, if not more, but to be so rigid as to declare a daily post would be too much pressure and surely set me up for failure. 

Maybe as I get better at this, the posts will come more frequently.  Maybe just even after school starts up on Monday, I can be more consistent!

An amazing thing happened on Monday as we were traveling with the Jr. youth to San Antonio.  Just outside of Lampasas, we began to feel a strong vibration.  Keith asked if I felt it too and we discussed pulling over to check out the tires.  Not 2 minutes after we had this discussion our rear left tire blew out.  Keith managed to bring the van safely to a stop.  The first thing one of the kids said was, "I am sure glad we said a prayer for safety before we left."    A man following us had seen the blow out and stopped to help.  He was already securing a few big rocks to keep the van from rolling backward, as we drove to meet him in a safer spot to change the tire.  He insisted on changing it to keep Keith from getting dirty and knew exactly what to do to change it very quickly.  The girls watched his young toddler son "Daniel" as he worked.  We tried to pay him some money for his time and effort, but he said to just pay it forward.   We asked if he would mind us saying a prayer with him before we left.  He agreed and we thanked the Lord for our "Good Samaritan's" help and for His protection.  As we left we asked his name and got a picture of him and his son.  His name was Aaron.

This was another opportunity for us to let our kids see first hand how the Lord takes care of His children and how He uses other people to accomplish His tasks.  

Day 2- Today is my 23rd wedding anniversary to my own personal knight in shining armor.  It is our tradition to watch our wedding video and we have yet to sit down and do it, but I pray that time will permit before this day is gone.  (Had to skip it the day of- it may have to be the week of this year-as of today still haven't watched it)

Something happened yesterday that was truly amazing during my "fireside" time.  As you all know  I was up writing the day 1 post in the wee hours of the morning.  But after a somewhat restful rest of the night, I found myself in my chair in the sun-room picking up my bible study.  The bible study I am currently doing is another Beth Moore study and has 5 lessons that should be completed in a week.  As you may have also noticed I changed the blog title a little from the first posting.  I was seriously considering dropping the word FUN from it,but after reconsidering left it in there.  Ironically enough these were the exact words from Beth's study "When Godly people do ungodly things".(pg. 73, week 2 day 5)  

Beth's words "I got a late start writing today.  Toward the end of the praise and worship service I attended in the den of my cabin this morning(by myself), I heard the voice of God speak to my heart: "Come and play." I love that He said, "Come" and not, "Go." "Come" That meant He was already there."

You have no idea what a feeling it was to have these be the first words of the morning.  I too felt as if He was speaking to my heart to "Come and play or Come and have some FUN"  and that's exactly what I did.  I got out the i-pod, cranked up the praise and worship music and danced around in the sun-room like a little girl.  I could feel the warm smile of the Father as we "played" for a little while.  What a special time!  
Needless to say the word FUN (play) will have to stay in the title.  

In fact, most of my week has been filled with FUN this week and is somewhat the reason why I have been unable to post on the days I should have.  


Monday morning we left for San Antonio with our Jr. youth group at church to go to Fiesta Teaxas and spend a night in a hotel for a back to school kick off retreat. 


Then on Wed.  I went to Cisco to pick up VBS supplies and return them for a float the church is working on and had some more FUN while visiting my family.  

So here I sit Friday afternoon after a full week of FUN and boy am I tired, but happy.  

Day 1-Midnight meetings.

Still haven't gone to bed, it's quiet and I just watched "To Save a Life" with my family earlier on this evening-thus, this midnight meeting.  

The movie is profound and my mind is churning about the possibilities of a youth event and follow up bible study for the youth in our community.  Most importantly it makes me think about the lonely people all around us.  Some who are basically invisible to us as we pass them by at our hurried pace.  Some hide it well, behind a mask acting as if everything is o.k. when it truly isn't.  

My prayer for this day as I sit at the "FIRE" in the wee hours of this morning, is that the Lord would open my eyes to see the hurting people in my circle of influence this day.  And that I myself would let others know the truest part of me.  

I pray that the Lord would use me as an instrument for His saving power to work.  For we truly know that He is the one who does the saving.  

A word that I picked during my counseling sessions this last spring as my word for the year was "authentic".   In the process of healing,  I am learning that a life hidden behind a mask is really not living a full life at all.  Oh, He has so much more in store for us if we would just let Him.  (He has so much more in store for me if I would just let Him.)

One of my primary inspirational speakers is Beth Moore.  She is a bible teacher and speaker who has a similar background of abuse.  Because of her convicting testimony of a victorious life through the cleansing healing work of attending the "FIRE" and an audience of ONE, I know that one day I will be able to look back on this time of my life and realize that although it was hard, it was necessary for completing HIS work in my life.  As Beth says, I will never say that He authored my abuse, but He can turn that which was bad and use even what was bad in "my" life to help others. 

I'm not going to make this blog or journey about my abuse or recovery for that matter, but it does bring to mind ever so clearly relating to the loneliness, feelings of depression, and yes even suicidal thoughts at times.  

I have learned in those dark times to turn to the source of LIGHT to lift me out of my darkness.  What used to consume me for days, now only takes about a day of TLC with the Father to bring me back to my feet and back to His service.  

As I continue at the "fire-side",  I have been reading a book about a pastor's wife's journey and the things she learned that would be helpful for ministry wives.  Much of what I am attempting to put into practice here was from inspiration as a result of my reading. 

As for the book I mentioned before, "Eat Pray Love", I will repeat that I have not read the book nor am I recommending it to anyone to read.   I just had heard some comments about it and thought I would pattern my challenge after it, even though I used 4 words instead of 3 and changed the order of the words by prioritizing them to suit my values.  I also will repeat that I do know that the author of the book seeks out spirituality in "other forms" that are not Christian.  I will probably get around to reading it just to see how different or similar our quests will be.  (And yes, I probably will watch the movie too, to see if the movie lines up with the book! Ha!) 

By the way, I am not an editor and never was very good at grammar, so I'm sure that these writings will be far from perfect.  Who knows, maybe I will even learn more about writing in this process. Ha!

Well this night owl is going to have to get some zzzzz's, now. 

I pray that as I lay my head to rest, I would think of YOU(my Lord) through the watches of the night and seek YOU in the morning.

First blog entry

Blog #1 with 364 to go.......I recently watched Julie and Julia and was inspired by the blogging aspect of the movie.  In the movie, a woman who loves cooking is inspired to cook her way through an entire book of recipes and blog about each cooking event.  In the process of this challenge she discovers more about herself and finds her life calling. 
I haven't decided what my challenge will be yet.   My first idea was to maybe share my journey through recovery from childhood abuse.  I also thought of sharing how that process has changed the way I view being a pastor's wife and how hard it is to walk through this season while being viewed from inside a "fishbowl".  Another would be to create a blog about faltering through this season while trying to be a
pastor's wife/mother/daughter/sister/friend.  I know that so many of us women struggle on so many levels and we wear so many hats, that we often lose ourselves in the process.  
This is sort of my Eat Pray Love experiment, even though I have not read the book and my (prayers) go up to my One and Only Savior and Lord. 
That may be it right there........ Food Fire Family Fun..... Let me reorganize them by my priorities...Fire Family Food Fun.

Fire-meaning time at the Fire with my audience of ONE.   The One being my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  Prayer is one of the main aspects of the "fire-time".  It is a daily time with God through prayer and the study of His word, the Holy Bible.  

Family- because next Him, family is the first priority.  Cultivating the most important relationships in my life.....this includes friends, but puts the prominent importance on my immediate family and radiates out from that point.
 
Food-taking the time to nourish my family with a little love from the garden, to the kitchen, to the body and soul......In this area I would be tending our home garden and trying new recipes to make us a healthy family.  


Fun-never neglecting to add spice to life by some side splitting laughter sprinkled with a lot of fun activities.  This time would definitely include getting off the couch and out from in front of the TV or any other media and reconnecting with each other.....  getting moving!!!!!

That's a lot to take on and I want to accomplish these four items over the next year.  So for 365 days from today, I will attempt to blog about one or more of these areas of my life. My goal is to look back over this year and see that I have reconnected with my life without having to take a year away to leave and explore India, Paris, or any other country for that matter, in order to truly find myself. 
I believe I can rediscover the me-He created me to be, from the place and space I am currently in.  There is a wealth of beauty all around me, if I will only open my eyes to it.
There is beauty in the relationships God has blessed me with.  Radiance in a sunrise while on an early morning walk for exercise.  A delicious healthy meal cultivated from a backyard garden, to sustain body and soul.  Being still to know that He is GOD.  
It is my earnest prayer that I will be committed to follow through and that others will join me as I facilitate FIRE-FAMILY-FOOD-FUN into the fabric of my life for a solid year and beyond. May it be life changing and transforming.