Day 1-Midnight meetings.

Still haven't gone to bed, it's quiet and I just watched "To Save a Life" with my family earlier on this evening-thus, this midnight meeting.  

The movie is profound and my mind is churning about the possibilities of a youth event and follow up bible study for the youth in our community.  Most importantly it makes me think about the lonely people all around us.  Some who are basically invisible to us as we pass them by at our hurried pace.  Some hide it well, behind a mask acting as if everything is o.k. when it truly isn't.  

My prayer for this day as I sit at the "FIRE" in the wee hours of this morning, is that the Lord would open my eyes to see the hurting people in my circle of influence this day.  And that I myself would let others know the truest part of me.  

I pray that the Lord would use me as an instrument for His saving power to work.  For we truly know that He is the one who does the saving.  

A word that I picked during my counseling sessions this last spring as my word for the year was "authentic".   In the process of healing,  I am learning that a life hidden behind a mask is really not living a full life at all.  Oh, He has so much more in store for us if we would just let Him.  (He has so much more in store for me if I would just let Him.)

One of my primary inspirational speakers is Beth Moore.  She is a bible teacher and speaker who has a similar background of abuse.  Because of her convicting testimony of a victorious life through the cleansing healing work of attending the "FIRE" and an audience of ONE, I know that one day I will be able to look back on this time of my life and realize that although it was hard, it was necessary for completing HIS work in my life.  As Beth says, I will never say that He authored my abuse, but He can turn that which was bad and use even what was bad in "my" life to help others. 

I'm not going to make this blog or journey about my abuse or recovery for that matter, but it does bring to mind ever so clearly relating to the loneliness, feelings of depression, and yes even suicidal thoughts at times.  

I have learned in those dark times to turn to the source of LIGHT to lift me out of my darkness.  What used to consume me for days, now only takes about a day of TLC with the Father to bring me back to my feet and back to His service.  

As I continue at the "fire-side",  I have been reading a book about a pastor's wife's journey and the things she learned that would be helpful for ministry wives.  Much of what I am attempting to put into practice here was from inspiration as a result of my reading. 

As for the book I mentioned before, "Eat Pray Love", I will repeat that I have not read the book nor am I recommending it to anyone to read.   I just had heard some comments about it and thought I would pattern my challenge after it, even though I used 4 words instead of 3 and changed the order of the words by prioritizing them to suit my values.  I also will repeat that I do know that the author of the book seeks out spirituality in "other forms" that are not Christian.  I will probably get around to reading it just to see how different or similar our quests will be.  (And yes, I probably will watch the movie too, to see if the movie lines up with the book! Ha!) 

By the way, I am not an editor and never was very good at grammar, so I'm sure that these writings will be far from perfect.  Who knows, maybe I will even learn more about writing in this process. Ha!

Well this night owl is going to have to get some zzzzz's, now. 

I pray that as I lay my head to rest, I would think of YOU(my Lord) through the watches of the night and seek YOU in the morning.